


A Letter to Quinn Fabray

by SpencerArbre



Category: Faberry - Fandom, Glee
Genre: College, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Faberry, Hurt/Comfort, Juilliard, Quinn Fabray - Freeform, Sexual Content, Yale - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-02
Updated: 2017-10-01
Packaged: 2018-03-10 04:00:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3275891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpencerArbre/pseuds/SpencerArbre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm not sure if you will get this letter or if you will even read it when you do receive it. But Quinn I want you to know, if you are scared or simply not ready, I'll wait for you. I'll wait for the day that I can hold your heart. Love, Rachel.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made a few small edits to this story. Nothing too big.

_Dear Quinn,_

 

_I was so surprised when you showed up at my door a few days ago. It was a wonderful surprise and I really did need someone to come and give me a little push to see that I really do belong here. I need to just keep working and following my dream and I really do see that now. Your visit helped me so much in so many ways. But there are some things I never got to say._

_Quinn Fabray I have always admired you and I always will. You are the epitome of everything I have ever wanted to be and not seeing you here in New York has made this place feel so lonely and small. I never realized how much I would miss you or how much you really meant to me. I love you, Quinn, and I always have. It took moving here for me to see that. I have been so caught up in Finn that I couldn’t see what was right in front of me. All of those times you tried to make me see that I was better than Lima, that I could be someone, make a mark on the world. You saw me when no one else did._

_Finn disappeared, but before he left he told me it was you who convinced him that he needed to let me go and let me become the woman I was destined to be. I was furious with him, I don’t know if it was because he still couldn’t actually do anything for me or because he had once again taken credit for something you had done for me. I began to think about how many times you must have helped him and told him how to woo me. You have been so cruel, but there have also been times where you have been so kind to me. Times when I really thought we had a real understanding of each other. We have always been more alike than you wanted to believe._

_But this time when you were here, everything was different, your true colors finally shined through and I got to see the real Quinn. The Quinn I have been waiting for my whole life. You left your t-shirt here. I have slept with it every night, I find comfort in the smell, it’s almost as if I am in your arms all over again. I miss them so much even though I only had the pleasure of sleeping in your arms for one night. You left so quickly you forgot it. It’s a Yale shirt which only makes me love it more._

_I remember watching you sleep in my bed wearing this shirt. You were so beautiful, your pale skin was peeking out from under the comforter, your long legs tangled between the sheets and our stomach just barely peeking out from under this shirt. Your hair fell over your face and you just looked - angelic. So content and at peace. I made the mistake of leaving to get something for breakfast. I only have vegan ingredients and figured you would want some meat, so I went to the farmer’s market down the street to buy some bacon, sausage, and eggs to make you something special. When I came back the only thing left was your shirt. It was on the floor next to my bed clearly dropped and long forgotten._

_I held it for a long time as I cried. I thought you had tricked me and that the night we shared was a lie to destroy me once again. I thought that everything you said to me that night was nothing but an illusion. But that night we spent together was too special to be a lie. With every touch and every whisper I knew you were being honest and that you were showing me your soul. I believed you when you said you loved me. So I called a few times and sent a few texts, but there was never a reply. I’m not sure if you will get this letter or if you will even read it when you do receive it. But, Quinn, I want you to know, if you are scared or simply not ready, I’ll wait for you. I’ll wait for the day that I can hold your heart._

 

_Love, Rachel_


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just made a few edits. Nothing too big.

Quinn stared down at the letter in her hands for a long time. She had not expected a response. She had hoped that the unanswered texts and the ignored phone calls would be enough to get Rachel to stop trying to contact her. Quinn had honestly hoped that Rachel would be too shocked to follow up with her at all.

However at the same time she had hoped that the brunette would chase after her.

The blonde was stuck, she didn’t know how to answer this letter. Should she go back to Rachel’s apartment? Should she simply respond and tell the girl it was a mistake? Should she not respond at all? No, Rachel deserved to know what Quinn chose, whatever it was. The blonde put the letter down on her desk and stared down at it as she mulled over her options again. She decided to leave it for a while and think about what she wanted to say. If she was going to respond she was going to make it genuine. She walked away from the letter and went back to her homework.

...

Quinn refused to look at the letter for a week. Everyday she would come back from class and see it sitting on her desk, but she never dared to touch it. She had to have the perfect response. Rachel deserved to know why Quinn had abandoned her. Quinn finally sat down at her desk, took a deep breath, and picked up a pen.

_Dear Rachel,_

_I_ _’m sorry I have taken so long to answer. I really wanted to answer this letter the best way I could and the best way I can think of to do that is to simply start from the beginning. I want to start from the beginning of our relationship to truly make you see why I have done such awful things to you. And to explain why I fled. I assure you none of this is an excuse for what I have done. I am sincerely sorry for what I have done to you. I did mean that when I said it to you. I am so deeply sorry for the torture I have put you through in the past. I don’t deserve for you to love me, but because I am lucky enough to have your heart, I want to try and earn it._

_The first time I ever saw you was when I was a freshman in high school, right after Lucy had been destroyed and Quinn had been born. I saw you standing in front of your locker, you were wearing a yellow shirt with a blue and yellow plaid skirt, blue knee high socks, and your black loafers. I couldn’t help but thinking that it was the ugliest outfit I had ever seen. But it didn’t make me hate you. I just thought you had very poor taste in clothing._

_I saw you in the hallways and a few classes but I really thought nothing of it. You were just another girl at Mckinley and since you weren’t a threat to my status I couldn’t care any less about your existence. It wasn’t until my sophomore year that I really saw you. You formed the glee club and recruited Finn. I was furious for multiple reasons. I was furious because he was making himself look like a complete and total loser, and now that we are in college that sounds so stupid. I was furious because I knew my parents would kill me if they found out that my boyfriend was being made fun of and ridiculed by the student body. And I was most of all pissed because you were trying to steal Finn from me._

_It’s not that I really loved Finn, or that I was even attached to him. I just wanted to impress my parents with the hot quarterback. We were the perfect couple, at least it seemed that way to outsiders and that was all that mattered to me. And then some girl named Rachel Berry came and tried to screw that up. I hated you for a while, I hated you for trying to steal my boyfriend. I hated you until Sue asked us to join glee club and spy on you. The first day I went to the club I heard you sing and everything changed. I understood what Finn saw in you. Something...I’m not, sure what, was awakened inside of me after that day. I hated that you were going after Finn because he could never be good enough for you. My motives had changed and I wanted to keep him away from you._

_I_ _think I honestly fell in love with you that first time you sang, but I couldn’t do anything about it. I couldn’t understand what I was feeling. You were constantly on my mind. Whenever I was around you I felt...well I felt. No one had ever made me really feel before. I tortured you, slushied you, made fun of you. I ordered everyone to hate you too. I tried as hard as I could to get you out of my mind. But nothing worked. It killed me to torture you. Every time I saw your face after a slushy slapped you in the face. Every time I saw your confidence shake after a harsh insult. Every time I saw you cry. Everything I did hurt me as much as it hurt you. I just wanted to scoop you up and tell you everything would be okay and that I would never hurt you again._

_But everyday I would go home and my parents would ask me the same questions. They would ask about my status at school and they would ask about Finn. They expected me to stay on top and if I slipped I knew what the consequences would be. So I sucked it up and buried my feelings for you, or tried to at least.. I tried to ignore you. I tried to stop feeling. I slept with Puck to try and feel something. But that only ended in disaster. I lost my family, I lost my status, I lost Finn and the only thing that stayed constant in my life was you. You still tried to be my friend. You still tried to help me even though I was so awful to you. I couldn’t handle how nice you were so I pushed you away. I pushed everyone away. Even Puck, the father of my baby. I stayed on top of my homework to keep busy. I did every assignment I was assigned. Even the reading assignments. When I wasn’t doing homework I was sleeping in Mercedes’s room. If I wasn’t sleeping or doing homework I was in glee club._

_Finally Beth was born and I gave her to Shelby. I felt awful for giving her to your birth mother, but she really wanted her, and I knew she could give her a good home, and a good life. I can’t imagine how it felt for you and I am still so sorry. After Beth was adopted I went into a very deep postpartum depression. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. All I could think about was Beth and work out. My life was ruined because of this child, and yet I didn’t even have her here with me. She was the only person in the whole world who could love me unconditionally and she wasn’t even mine._

_My world spiraled out of control. I began attacking people. Plotting against everyone. I felt like the entire world was up against me and I had to fight back. I began to bully you even more. I tried to get Finn back and eventually succeeded. I remember telling you so many times to leave, to get out of here because you are so much better than Lima. I meant that every time. I wanted you to get out of Lima and become someone because the rest of us were never going to achieve that. For the next few years I simply tried my best to avoid you. We had our talks and we were civil for the most part . You and Finn were stronger than ever. Every touch, every kiss, every look you two gave each other stabbed me like a knife. I wanted so badly to be in Finn’s shoes. I wanted to hold you, to comfort you, to be there every step of the way and I never could. I never could because I had made it that way. And that’s what really killed me._

_The final event that had really gotten to me was your engagement. When you and Finn got engaged it was really over. I knew that I never had a chance with you, but when you two made it official, I thought he was the one, that he was who you were going to spend the rest of your life with. It killed me to know that you would settle for someone who knew so little about the world, someone who would hold you back. Finn always seemed to be in awe of you and never really appreciated you. He never gave you what you deserved. You deserved and equal partner, not someone who was going to follow you around like a lost puppy cheering you on. I was so angry at both of you for being so stupid, trying to get married so young. When I realized I couldn’t change your mind and decided to come to the wedding I was genuinely happy for you. I was happy that you were happy and that was all that I needed. I was happy for the first time in a long time, until the car crash._

_When I was paralyzed I woke up in white room with bright florescent lights and no one to greet me except for you. No one else had come. But there you were, perched on the small chair next to my bed, holding my hand. When I opened my eyes and saw you sitting there all I wanted to do was sit up and kiss you, but then I realized I couldn’t move. And as I tried you looked down at me with such empathy and you told me what happened. My own mother wouldn’t even come into the room, but you lay next to me in bed and held me as I cried._

_You were there in the hospital with me. You came every day. I think you might have been the only reason I never gave up._ _You never told anyone you were coming either. Not Finn, not your dads, not the glee club. You just did. You always had a smile on your face. You always had kind words for me. Not once did you ever get angry when I got frustrated. Even after I went back to school and I was in that stupid chair. You came to physical therapy with me. You helped me through all the ups and downs. When I thought I would never be able to walk again you gave me an inspirational Rachel Berry speech. You helped me and you never asked for anything in return._

_I stood at prom and of course you came to find me afterwards to congratulate me and tell me how proud you were of me. Even when I got out of the chair and we were all graduating. I gave you the metro pass and you actually used it. We became such close friends and then finally that weekend happened._

_I remember the instant I knew we were going to - I just knew. I was sitting on your couch reading a book and I felt your eyes on me. I looked at you and there was just fire in your eyes. You stood from your place on the couch and you sat down next to me. And I said ‘what are you doing?’ and you said ‘I’m just looking’ and when I asked you at what you told me ‘I’m looking at how beautiful you are.’_

_But I knew you didn’t mean my face, my body, my outer shell. You meant me. And no one had really ever said that before. No one had ever recognized that. We sat on the couch for a while. You just looked at me and you got closer and closer. You moved a piece of hair behind my ear and kissed my cheek, and you kept peppering kisses on my face until you finally kissed my lips. You kissed me and I felt alive, I felt you everywhere and I needed more. I need you. I couldn’t let go. I kissed you so hard and so fast and finally you broke the kiss and led me to your room._

_You took my to that bed and you unraveled me over and over and over and I was bare. And I was naked and vulnerable and - loved. You loved me, Rachel. You loved me so intensely. I fell asleep in your arms. I was so happy. I just - I wanted to stay there forever. But when I woke up you were gone. I was scared. I was scared it was a dream, a wish that would never come true. So I did what I always do. I packed my things and I ran. I’m sorry for my long silence. I just didn’t know how to say it. I was just scared you didn’t love me back. But, now that I know you do. Can we try again? I want you, Rachel. But I want to do this right. I want to give you what you deserve. Please let me prove to you that what I feel for you is real._

 

_Love, Quinn._


	3. Chatper 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally an update for this story. I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with this. But I think it will be good and I might actually write a story that has a significant amount of fluff rather than an obnoxious amount of smut. We shall see. An update on other stories in case you are interested. If it's me reading the signs is in progress. It's going very slowly as it always does. But I have about seven big projects going at the same time. I might be posting a few of those soon as well. The newest addition being that of a Clexa/Lexark story. So if you are in that fandom watch out for that. Anyway. That is my author update. And as always. Enjoy :)

Rachel held the letter in her hands. The words became blurred as her hands shook and the words became harder and harder to read. But she read it over three times before she finally placed it on the kitchen counter. Rachel stared down at it with mixed emotions. She was scared, yet excited. Happy yet anxious.

Rachel was so happy that Quinn had finally responded. But she was also terribly sad, and confused, and a little angry but she could overlook that.

Mostly, she was sad for the blonde. Quinn’s life was almost, if not worse, than Rachel’s entire high school experience. All of that lying and sneaking and hiding must have been torture for the poor girl. Trying to deny who she was on top of who she loved. All that denial must have driven her mad. Looking back at high school it probably did. Quinn was anything but emotionally stable. And her motives were never exactly clear.

It made so much sense. But why would she torture her rather than at least try and talk about it. She had three years to approach the brunette. But she never did. Not until junior year and even then she switched between her friend and her enemy. At least senior year had changed something between them. But even with a strong friendship Quinn had been too afraid to admit her feelings. But through it all Rachel felt sorry for Quinn. She always knew there was pain behind her actions. She knew that the blonde was never happy. Especially after they had grown closer. She saw the moments when Quinn thought the brunette wasn’t looking. Quinn’s eyes grew sad and empty, as if all the life had been drained from her body and she finally had a moment to rest. It was torture to watch Quinn struggle, but the blonde wouldn’t let Rachel in and she had to respect the other girl’s feelings.

Rachel knew what she had to do. She had to fix this. For herself and for Quinn.

The brunette looked over the letter a few times. She didn’t want to scare Quinn away by showing too much emotion. But the brunette also didn’t want to make the blonde feel that her message was dismissed. It had to be subtle and to the point.

To keep their form of communication consistent Rachel grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and wrote out what would hopefully be the last letter.

_Dear Quinn,_

_I’m coming. I can’t come this weekend but next weekend I will be on your doorstep at exactly seven thirty pm. I can’t wait to see you._

_Love,_

_Rachel._


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't know what I'm going anymore.

The letter had come in exactly ten days ago. 

The blonde had been too afraid to respond to Rachel’s letter. It encouraged too many fantasies to form in Quinn’s mind. 

The blonde had spent the remainder of the wait throwing herself into her homework. She picked up as many shifts at work as she could. The distractions helped, but her mind still wandered when she let herself stop moving. 

Every night before she fell asleep she would think about Rachel. Quinn would play the scene over and over in her head. She wondered how their next encounter would ensue. Would Rachel leap into her arms? Would she proclaim her love for her right there in the doorway of her apartment? Would they be dating? Would anything happen at all? Should they sleep together again? Was this just a heinous plan concocted to get back at Quinn for everything she did in high school? She couldn’t know. All she knew was that Rachel was coming and she was coming today. 

…

Just after seven twenty five there was a knock on the door. Quinn looked up from her dramatic literature homework, she hesitated for a moment before she decided to get up and answer the door. 

As the blonde walked toward the door she worried her hands in her shirt. She could feel how clammy they already were. Her mouth was dry. Every nerve in her body was on edge. 

Quinn had never been this nervous in her life. Not even waiting for the pregnancy test had been this unnerving. 

She wiped her hands on her sweatpants and gripped the doorknob. Quinn tightened her grip on the knob and pulled the door open. The blonde’s breath caught in her throat as she took in Rachel’s form. 

The brunette was standing in her doorway clad in one of her classic ‘almost too short’ skirts and a navy blue sweater. She held her bag to her chest and when the brunette registered that Quinn was in the doorway a bright smile spread across her face. 

Neither girl said anything, they both stared for a little too long before Rachel finally broke the silence. “Hi.” The diva tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, her eyes locked on the blonde’s. 

Quinn was enamored. She couldn’t believe that Rachel Berry was actually in front of her, smiling at her like she was the greatest thing since Broadway. The blonde had to shake herself from her daze and come back to reality. “Come in. I can take your things.” Quinn quickly moved out of the doorway and reached for the brunette’s bag. 

Rachel handed over her bag and stepped through the door. “Thank you, Quinn.” 

The blonde quickly brought Rachel’s bag to her room and walked back out to meet Rachel in the kitchen. All Quinn could do was stare. 

This was real. Rachel Berry really was in love with her. Rachel Berry really did want to make this work. “Hi.” Quinn said with a dopey smile. 

“Hi.” Rachel said with a quiet giggle. “It’s great to see you again, Quinn.” The brunette leaned on her elbows on the island and smiled up at Quinn. 

“It’s good to see you too.” Quinn said quietly. The blonde suddenly felt awkward in the room. She didn’t know what to do with her body. She tried to lean against the wall but that felt forced. She stood up straight but that felt awkward. She settled for leaning against the stove.

“Why are you so nervous?” Rachel stepped away from her spot at the island and walked around the counter to stand in front of Quinn. The brunette took the blonde’s hands in her own rubbing the back of Quinn’s hands with the pads of her thumbs in an attempt to calm the girl. 

Rachel looked up into Quinn’s eyes and searched for the answer. She could see fear and anguish swirling around in hazel eyes. “What’s wrong?” Rachel asked.

Quinn felt small under Rachel’s gaze and looked away, gently pulling her hands away from the brunette. “Nothing,” the blonde rubbed the back of her neck and turned away from Rachel. 

“It doesn’t seem like nothing.” Rachel didn’t move from her spot. She wanted to give Quinn her space. She knew the blonde would need time to process things. But she didn’t think Quinn would be so uneasy. 

“It’s not a big deal.” Quinn said with a shrug. The blonde was lying through her teeth and she knew it. This was a huge deal. Quinn didn’t know what to do with herself. She felt like she was meeting Rachel for the first time. Even though she had seen the girl naked and watched her unravel underneath her countless times she still felt as if she had no idea who this woman was. 

“You’re lying to me. I don’t want this to be based around lies, Quinn. I want a fresh start.” Rachel folded her arms across her chest and raised an eyebrow up at Quinn. 

“Okay.” The blonde looked away for a moment. She needed to gather her thoughts. She couldn’t tell Rachel what was wrong if she didn’t even know herself. “I don’t want to mess this up again. I told you everything. The whole story. And knowing that you actually,” It was too early to say it out loud. Quinn’s mouth hung open for a moment trying to find the words, but eventually she closed her mouth and looked away from the Rachel. “I just can’t believe this is real.” Quinn rubbed the back of her neck and smiled down at Rachel. 

“You’re not going to mess this up, Quinn. We can move as slowly as you want. Whatever you need. That’s what we’ll do.” Rachel unfolded her arms and took a step towards Quinn, not yet closing the distance between them. 

“Yes, because we have been so good at that.” Quinn mumbled sarcastically. 

Rachel scoffed and rolled her eyes. “So we had sex. We did it a little backwards. That doesn’t mean that we still can’t do this right? There is no right way to do this.” 

“No, but there are wrong ways.” Quinn shot back. “And I know all of them.” 

“What exactly are you referring to, Quinn?” Rachel wasn’t sure how to respond to this outburst. The brunette knew almost everything there was to know about Quinn. Well, everything that she was willing to share. But this was new. Rachel was aware of how insecure the blonde really was, but not like this. This was almost...paranoid. 

“I’ve cheated on people before. Actually on all of my boyfriends.” 

“Did you cheat on any girlfriends?” The brunette asked. 

“No.”

“Well, seems like we found the problem.” Rachel said with a smirk. 

“It’s not funny.” The blonde said as she glared down at Rachel. 

“It kind of is.” The diva chuckled as she thought about the situation. “When you think about it. You only cheated on all of those guys because you were too gay. I mean it’s kind of funny.” 

The blonde felt a smile pulling at her mouth but she refused to give Rachel the satisfaction of being right. “It’s not funny.” Quinn said with a small smile. 

“It is.” Rachel insisted. 

It’s not.” 

“It is.” The brunette took a step towards Quinn, her arms reached out in front of her. 

“Don’t you dare.” Quinn warned pointing a threatening finger at the diva. 

“Admit it’s funny then.” Rachel offered. 

“It’s not funny.” Quinn tried again. 

“Then you have chosen your fate.” Rachel lunged at Quinn but the blonde darted out of the way. 

“You’ll never catch me!” Quinn exclaimed. 

“I will catch you! And I’m going to tickle you until you throw up!” Rachel yelled after the blonde.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some more fluff

After Quinn finally admitted that she was in fact too gay Rachel finally called a truce - after she made the blonde promise to take her out to dinner. 

“If we are going out we’re going somewhere nice. No take out this time.” Quinn announced as she walked towards her room. 

“Aw, but take out is my favorite,” Rachel whined.

“I’m aware. I have no idea how you keep that figure with all the Chinese food you shove in your mouth.” The blonde said as she slipped through the doorway. 

“I’ll have you know I have a rigorous workout plan. I never miss a day.” The brunette rose from her spot on the floor and walked into Quinn’s bedroom. The blonde was standing in front of her closet going through all of her clothes. “Can’t pick a dress?” 

“No. Maybe we should pick where we are going first. That might help.” The blonde pulled her phone out of her pants pocket and swiped it open. “So, of course, we need a vegan place, but that’s not hard to find here. So what kind of vegan are you in the mood for?” 

“I don’t know. What are you in the mood for?” Rachel asked with a smirk. 

The blonde rolled her eyes and looked up to see Rachel with a devious grin spread across her face. “You know I am not going to pick one. You are the one who wants food. And we both know if we don’t go exactly where you want to go you will not be happy.” 

“I’m a diva. It’s what we do.” Rachel hummed. 

“So you’re just not going to tell me.” 

“Nope.” 

“I don’t know why I ever decided to like you.” Quinn huffed. 

…

An hour later the girls were sitting in bamboo chairs waiting for their take out in a cheap Chinese restaurant. “I can’t believe you.” Quinn groaned. “I should never have let you lead the way.” 

“You said it yourself if I don’t get what I want I will be very unhappy.” Rachel chirped. 

“Well at least one of us is happy.” The blonde said as she folded her arms across her chest.   
“42!” The host called out. 

“That’s us!” Rachel squealed as she jumped out of her seat to retrieve their food. “So where do you want to go now?” 

The brunette quickly thanked the man before walking back towards Quinn. “They gave us so much food! Leftovers!” 

“Yeah, yeah.” 

…

Since they didn’t go out the way Quinn wanted to she at least go her way by eating her take out the way she liked. At home. 

But since it was a special occasion rather than eating on the couch in front of the tv she pulled out a few candles and made a nice dinner for two in her kitchen. “This is nice,” Rachel said. 

“Yeah, it is.” The blonde agreed. 

“See, we didn’t have to go out. Take out is all you need in life.” Rachel declared. 

“If you keep eating like this your arteries aren’t just going to be clogged. They are going to be made up of fat.” 

“Shhh. It’s okay.” Rachel said as she twirled more noodles onto her fork. “Don’t listen to the mean lady.” 

“Are you actually talking to your noodles?” 

“Yes. It makes them taste better.” Rachel answered with a sweet smile. 

Quinn simply shook her head and went back to eating her own noodles. 

…

Once they had eaten themselves into food comas the girls decided to watch a few movies on the couch. But as much as she tried Rachel just couldn’t pay attention. The diva’s hand slid up Quinn’s leg until it reached the blonde’s inner thigh. She would graze her fingers over the material of Quinn’s sweatpants and after a few minute, the blonde would shift her hips, remove Rachel’s hand and clear her throat. They were on round three but Rachel didn’t have any plans of stopping. 

The brunette began to slide her hand up Quinn’s leg but before she could reach her destination the blonde laced their fingers together and gave Rachel a pointed look. “What do you think you’re doing?” 

“Teasing.” Rachel purred. 

“Why?” The blonde asked. 

“It’s kind of fun.” The diva said as she tried to pull her hands away to continue her teasing. 

“How would you like it if I teased you?” Quinn asked, but as soon as the words left her mouth she knew she had dug herself into a hole. 

“I’d love it.” Rachel hummed, scooting closer to the blonde. 

As much as Quinn wanted to give into the situation she knew she couldn’t. It was too soon. Even if they had already skipped that step, she wasn’t sure she wanted to do it again. “Rachel, what happened to we can take it slow?”

“Right. I apologize.” Rachel scooted away from Quinn and folded her hands in her lap, focusing her attention back on the tv. 

“Rachel.” The blonde picked up the remote and turned off the screen before climbing off the couch and kneeling in front or the brunette. “I didn’t mean it that way. It’s not that I don’t want to. I mean clearly. Do you remember last time? I could not keep my hands off you.” 

The diva smiled and looked down at Quinn. “I know. I know you’re scared of ruining what we have. But I’m not going anywhere. I want you.” 

“I want you too. But I want to do this right. You said you didn’t want to build this off of lies. You want it to be real. Well this is me being real with you. I know we may have jumped the gun and I know we have been friends for long enough that it may seem like we can just overlook it. But I’m not sure if I can do that. I don’t want our relationship to be based on sex. I want it to be based on respect and honesty and all of that mushy stuff. And if we don’t slow down and look at what we have here I’m worried that we’ll overlook that.” 

“Okay. Just this once I won’t try to get what I want. You can lead from now on.” Rachel smiled, “You know you’re making it really hard. You’re soft side only makes me want to h - tease you more.” 

“I’m sorry that I’m so charming. Would you rather me throw slushies at you again?” Quinn offered. “That ought to cool your lady parts down.”

“Don’t even think about it Fabray.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one night! I apologize if any of this is strange. I stayed up a little too long after taking sleeping pills.

Quinn walked out of the hallway, her mouth foaming from her toothpaste. She had a terrible habit of pacing while she brushed her teeth. Usually, when she took her first steps out of the bathroom she was met with a late night news report, but today she was met with the sight of a very conflicted Rachel. 

The brunette stood in the middle of the living room looking around. She had no idea Quinn was watching her. She took a step towards the bedroom then stopped and turned around to look at the couch. She worried her hands and then repeated the same steps. 

The blonde quickly spit out her toothpaste and wiped her mouth before walking towards the diva. “Rachel. What are you doing?” 

“Oh, well. I was just - debating.” Rachel was embarrassed that she had been caught. It wasn’t like her to be unsure of her actions. But after their talk earlier she wasn’t sure what to do. “Since we are taking things slow...are we I mean how do we...I mean can we sleep in the same bed? Or is that bad?” 

The blonde sighed in relief, happy that Rachel’s dilemma was so small. “Of course we can sleep in the same bed. Is that all you were worried about?” Quinn asked. 

“Yeah,” Rachel said with a shy smile. 

“Come on, let’s go to bed.” Quinn reached out her hand for Rachel to take and let the brunette to the bed. She pulled back the sheets and threw the decorative pillows onto the ground. Normally she didn’t make her bed, but she didn’t want to give Rachel the wrong idea. That sounded stupid now that she thought about it again. 

The blonde climbed into the bed and reached out and arm for Rachel to crawl into. The brunette happily snuggled into Quinn’s side and hummed at the feel of the blonde. “You’re so warm.” Rachel hummed. 

“I’m a human furnace. Just wait until winter comes. You’ll never want to leave the bed.” Quinn joked as she ran her fingers through Rachel’s hair. 

“I won’t want to leave the bed even when I’m sweating my ass off in the summer.” Rachel looked up at Quinn looking over the blonde’s features. “As long as I’m laying next to you I don’t ever want to leave the bed.” 

Quinn gave Rachel a warm smile and gently pulled the girl closer to her. “Please don’t tell me you’re turning into a sap too. We can’t both be saps. We’ll turn into the you-hang-up-first couple. Everyone knows they are the worst.” 

“Quinn Fabray did you just say we are a couple?” Rachel teased. 

“No..I-well-you-I mean-” 

“So we can have sex now right?” Rachel asked moving to climb on top of Quinn. But the blonde quickly pulled her arm out from under the brunette and turned out the light. 

“Goodnight, Rachel,” Quinn said before turning away from the diva. 

“You’re no fun.” The brunette huffed. 

Quinn smirked as she lay with her back turned to Rachel. She listened quietly as the girl threw a quiet tantrum. This was going to be fun. Rachel was so cute when she didn’t get her way. She could just picture her face right now. She was probably glaring at Quinn’s back. 

The blonde chanced a glance and was met with a glare from the diva. “Fine. I guess I can face you as I sleep.” 

Quinn turned over to face Rachel in the bed. She threw and arm over Rachel’s body and pulled her close. “And I guess, if you can control yourself,” Quinn paused to give Rachel a stern look, “we can make out like high school freshman before we go to bed.” 

“Yesss. Just don’t choke me with your tongue. Boys always did that to me.” Rachel said, rolling her eyes. 

“What do you mean always? How many boys did you-” But Quinn never go to finish her question as Rachel leaned forward and pressed her lips to the blonde’s.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some more fluff for you. I'm trying to write something every week right now. Even if it's short.

Rachel’s eyes fluttered open and for a moment she didn’t know where she was. She scanned the room but only realized she was at Quinn’s apartment when she felt the blonde’s arm tightly wrapped around her waist. 

The brunette smiled and scooted closer to Quinn. She was so warm. She could feel the other girl’s chest rising and falling behind her and somehow that was comforting. 

Rachel carefully turned over to face the blonde. She hoped Quinn didn’t wake up, but she wouldn’t exactly be upset if she did. 

The smaller girl settled into the bed beside the blonde and smiled gently. Quinn was so beautiful. She was actually angelic when she was asleep. She didn’t snore, she didn’t drool. She just laid there looking peaceful and calm. 

It was nice to see her that way. Whenever she was awake she always looked like she was worried about something. That’s one thing that Rachel loved about her. Quinn cared so much about other people, but she was always too scared to show it. 

Rachel lay in Quinn’s embrace until the blonde’s eyes fluttered open. “Good morning, sleepy head.” Rachel whispered. 

“Good morning.” Quinn’s voice was raspy and still full of sleep, “How long have you been awake?” 

“Only a few minutes.” Rachel lied, “How did you sleep?” 

“Better than I have in a long time. You should visit more often.” Quinn rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and sat up in bed. 

Rachel looked up at the blonde with a gentle smile, “I’m sure I can find some time to visit more this semester.” 

“I hope so. But for now, let’s get out of bed. I have a busy day planned for us.” Quinn climbed out of bed and walked out of the room. 

…

“Quinn, where are we going?” Rachel groaned as she trailed behind the blonde. 

“You’ll see!” Quinn pulled Rachel along as she led the way towards their destination. 

“We’ve been walking for blocks. Isn’t this what taxis are for? Or better yet. Your Car!” Rachel complained. 

“Oh come on, Rach. It’s a beautiful day and besides, it’s not much farther.” Quinn looked behind her and flashed a bright smile at the brunette. 

“Where are we going?” Rachel whined. 

“If I told you, you wouldn’t have wanted to go in the first place.” Quinn said with a shrug. 

“Well, that’s reassuring.” 

…

Two blocks later the two girls were standing in front of their destination. “What is it?” Rachel asked, wrinkling her nose. 

“It’s the Grove Street Cemetery!” Quinn exclaimed. Rachel looked at her blankly and began to turn around. “No! Where are you going?” The blonde quickly grabbed the brunette’s hand and led her back towards the cemetery. 

“What’s so special about this? Why would you want to hang out with a bunch of dead people?” Rachel scoffed. 

“Well maybe, if you would give it a chance, you’d find out.” Quinn offered. 

“Okay, fine. You have one hour to convince me.” 

…

Quinn led Rachel around the cemetery. She showed her plots of families. Some who had died together. Some who had slowly lost each other one by one. She told her about how the first settlement had made this cemetery and how after the epidemic in 1794 they had to make a new plot because the land was getting so crowded. 

She talked about how they specifically plotted the cemetery so that families could stay together and how it was separated by race and religion. 

“Why do you care about all of this?” Rachel asked. 

“It’s where we came from. This is our history. It’s not the best. And I can't say that I’m really proud of it. But it’s fascinating. And it’s huge! I mean. Look at all the plots here. And they cared so much about where the dead went. It’s like. It’s like they really thought that when they died they might be reunited with their loved ones. 

And look at the architecture. It’s so detailed. They cared so much about the people who died. They wanted them to be in this beautiful place.” Quinn paused for a moment her smile faltered, “Sometimes I’d like to think that maybe they wanted their deaths to be beautiful because their lives were so ugly.” 

Rachel began to giggle and the blonde whipped around to glare at the brunette. “What’s so funny?” 

“You should have been a philosophy major. You’re so dramatic. You might actually be more dramatic than me.” 

“It’s not dramatic. It’s true. There are so many things about our history that we don’t know. And most of what we are taught is lies to make ourselves look more noble than we really are.” Quinn took a few steps toward Rachel and settled a few inches away from the shorter girl. 

“Why didn’t you major in history?” Rachel reached out for Quinn’s hands and lazily swayed their arms between them. 

“Well, I love it too much.” Quinn explained. 

“Isn’t that a good thing?” The brunette asked, tilting her head to one side. 

“No. I didn’t want to spoil it for myself. If I had to study history I wouldn’t be learning, I’d just be cramming dates into my head and reciting them. I’d probably never want to walk into a library ever again.” 

“You didn’t want to spoil it for yourself.” Rachel said quietly. 

“Exactly.” Quinn’s lips turned up into a small smile and she pulled Rachel closer, wrapping her arms around the smaller girl. 

“So, that means that I should only visit every few months, right? Because if you see me too often, you’ll get tired of me.” 

The blonde scoffed and unraveled herself from around the diva. “You are unbelievable.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I know I have been absent for quite a while. I really don't want to get anyone's hopes up and say that I will be posting regularly again, but I'm going to try and at least write a few times a week and hopefully, that will result in something to post up here. Anyway, I hope you like this chapter.

"Where are we now?" Rachel asked looking around the near empty park she was standing in. The park consisted of a gazebo, a few benches, a large field, a small playground, and four swings. 

"This is my park. Well, obviously it's not mine. I don't own it, but this is where I go when I'm feeling stressed, or sad, or just need some time to think," Quinn explained. 

"Why have you never told me this before? I'm your best friend, I should know these things about you," Rachel said with a pointed look. 

"I know we are supposed to tell each other everything, but this just never came up. I wasn't trying to keep it from you," Quinn tried to explain. 

"Oh you mean just like the fact that you are madly in love with me never came up in conversation either?" The diva rose an eyebrow at the blonde daring the other girl to challenge her words. 

"No...but this park does have something to do with me being madly in love with you and if you stop being such a grump I'll tell you about it," Quinn gently laced their fingers together and led the brunette toward the swing set on the other side of the park. 

"I am not being a grump." Rachel huffed. 

"You are. Probably because you're getting hungry," Quinn predicted, "Am I right." 

"Maybe," the diva mumbled. 

"I knew it. We can get food after this stop, I promise. Just bear with me. 

This park is very special to me. I try to go for a walk every day mostly just to clear my head and get some fresh air. Most of the time when I go for walks, lately at least, you have been the thoughts I was trying to clear my head of. Especially after my last visit to New York." 

The girls finally arrived at the swings and Quinn took a seat before gesturing for Rachel to take the saddle beside her. "What were you thinking about?" Rachel looked down at her feet playing with the woodchips beneath her feet.

"So many things. It was hard to think at all at first. So much had happened that night and none of it had been resolved and it was my fault. The first day I came back I called off work and came here to this exact spot on this exact swing. I just sat here for hours thinking about what I had done. The first day you texted me four times and I ignored everyone. I can't say I ignored them. I saw them. I just couldn't respond. I was too afraid of your response. Every day I did the same thing. I came to this park I stared at your messages, listened to your voicemails and refused to answer you." 

"Why?" Rachel's voice was so quiet she wasn't sure she had spoken out loud. 

"Because in my mind if I didn't deal with it there wouldn't be any consequences. I could drag it out until I was ready. And I know that's terrible. But then you sent that letter and I felt so guilty. I felt so guilty for leaving you. Especially when you hadn't actually left me at all. I felt like I had messed everything up even though you had said you wanted me," Quinn watched Rachel closely trying to gauge what she was feeling. 

"So, what changed?" The diva looked up from her feet and met Quinn's gaze. 

"I don't know. I just finally knew what to say. I owed you an explanation. I had an explanation to give. I was so sick of avoiding you. We spoke every day before that happened. I hadn't responded to anything in over two weeks. It was horrible. And honestly, I really don't even deserve for you to be sitting here with me right now. But, I'm so glad you are." 

"Why are you making us relive all of this," Rachel sighed turning her attention back to her feet, "I'm not angry at you. I never was." 

"I know. I wanted to take you here because this is where I realized how much I love you. I knew I loved you in high school. I knew I was in love with you well before I ever found this place. But not talking to you, being afraid that I had jeopardized our entire relationship, that made me realize how much I love you. It made me realize that no matter what happens in our lives there is nothing that I want to come between us. I don't ever want to keep things from you, or lie to you, or do anything to make you hurt the way I did when I left that day. Not ever again. I realized that your happiness was so much more important than mine and that I needed to suck it up and do what you needed me to do. What I needed me to do, too I guess. This is where I found the courage to be in love with you." 

Rachel turned her attention back to Quinn with tears glistening in her eyes, "You couldn't have just said all that the first day that you came here?"

"Well, I hadn't realized it yet. It took a while," the blonde shrugged. 

"You did say that," Rachel stood from her swing and moved to stand in front of Quinn. The diva pulled the blonde's legs apart and stood between them pulling the woman as close to her as the swing would allow. "So why are you bringing me here now?" 

The blonde smiled a light blush spreading across her cheeks, "Because, this is where I found my courage and this is where I want to show it." 

"What do you mean?" Rachel's face scrunched in confusion. 

Quinn wiggled free of the diva's embrace and stood before her. The blonde smiled as she looked over Rachel's features for what felt like the hundredth time that day. She would never get tired of looking at Rachel. "I mean I love you, Rachel. I love you and I want to be with you. I wanted to tell you that in person. Not just in writing. I, Quinn Fabray, want you to be my girlfriend." 

Rachel beamed up at the blonde and wrapped her arms around the taller woman squeezing until Quinn couldn't fill her lungs. "I love you too, Quinn." Rachel breathed into the blonde's neck.

The two girls stood on the woodchips embracing each other for a few minutes neither one of them wanting the feeling of the moment to end. Quinn was the first to pull away but only so she could look down at Rachel once again. The blonde smiled gently before leaning in and pressing her lips against Rachel's in a soft kiss. Her lips lingered against the diva's for a moment before she kissed her girlfriend once more and pulled away. "I wanted to do that too." Quinn chuckled biting her lower lip. 

"You can kiss me wherever you want, Quinn." Rachel giggled. 

"Yes, but I can only kiss you in public for the first time once, and I wanted it to happen here." 

"You wanted to show your courage. You wanted to kiss me in public to show me you aren't afraid." Rachel explained mostly to herself. 

"Exactly." 

The diva nodded a small smile still on her lips, "Could you be any more perfect?" 

"Yes, I can actually. There's a vegan takeout right down the street from here," the blonde chuckled. 

"Yes, you're perfect. Lead the way."


End file.
